In France, greeting your French friends can be a complicated matter for foreigners.
Rather than shaking hands, waving hello or hugging, you lean forward, touch cheeks and
It’s called “La Bise.”
How To Faire La Bise And Greet Someone With A Cheek Kiss Like A French Person:
Kissing a person’s cheek as a way of greeting someone might sound like a cliché, but this French custom is no joking matter.
Throughout this article, I refer to “cheek
kiss ,” “la bise,” and “Faire la bise” interchangeably to refer to this traditional French greeting.
The Fine Art of La Bise ( L’art de la bise)
Cheek kissing, as a way of greeting other people in France, is a French tradition ingrained in the French culture, which is practically institutionalized from Childhood In France.
It’s the real French
Just as you would encourage your child to say hello or goodbye or shake hands, parents throughout France encourage their children to “cheek
Faire La Bise Meaning
=To do the
This act of greeting someone with a cheek
There’s nothing romantic about la bise. It’s a common greeting, especially with family, friends and loved ones. But it’s also how you say goodbye in certain situations.
There are situations where you can greet friends of friends, acquaintances and even co-workers with a la bise, in other words, a cheek
What’s my experience with la bise?
Plenty!
My first bise ( French Kiss Greeting) was terrifying.
When our family moved to France back in 2011, we didn’t know anyone, let alone any French people, so greeting someone new was easy with a simple “bonjour,” a wave from afar or a firm handshake. That’s the way you greet acquaintances or strangers you come across.
For ten months, we lived our lives, never having to “Faire la bise.”
Making Friends And Transitioning To La Bise (cheek kissing)
Ten months after moving to Marseille, France, we decided this beautiful city just wasn’t for us, so we moved to La Garde.
La Garde is a charmingly picturesque town in Provence (pictured above). It’s the kind of town you imagine when you think of France. Old ladies carrying baguettes, a medieval church, a decaying castle at the top of a hill, and where everyone seems to know everyone else.
And then there was us!
There aren’t a lot of foreigners in small towns like La Garde. Not like bigger cities that attract large amounts of people from all over the world, which suited us just fine.
We had a nice routine, and so did our three children, who attended three different schools; Kieran was in secondary school, André attended middle school, and Catherine, our youngest, was in preschool.
Every morning, my husband and I got dressed and eagerly walked our daughter to school. It was less than a 5-minute walk, but we lived in the medieval part of the town, where people always seemed to be shuffling around trying to get someplace.
To get to our daughter’s primary school, we had to walk through Place de la république, a big square that had an outdoor market twice a week. On the market days, we would double back to the market after we dropped off our daughter at school and buy produce, meat, cheese or whatever we needed. It was super convenient, and soon, people started recognizing us.
We were becoming part of the community and made friends…
We became good friends with one of the vendors who sold plants and flowers. He sells shiitake mushrooms and strawberries now at La Serre du Plan. Pictured above is my husband Blake visiting our friend Ferry’s market stall. Blake has his arm on Ferry’s shoulder. To his right is Ferry’s wife, Alex.
Sometimes, we would cross paths with our neighbours or other parents at that market and stop to chat for a while before continuing on our merry way.
One morning, we saw someone we knew, only this time; instead of a nod and a hello, followed by some light chit-chat, she said, “Allez, on se fait la bise!” I smiled to confirm, and she leaned in to give me a cheek
That first cheek kiss was nerve-wracking. I felt like a ridiculous imposter.
I had seen hundreds of people greet each other with a cheek
I leaned in a little too quickly, with more force than I intended, and my cheek crashed into hers. OOOPS, désolé.
After that first French cheek
- How do you know how many cheek kisses to give? Is it by age?
- Which cheek do you start with, the left or the right?
- Do you have to make that light kissing sound when you cheek
kiss ? - Who initiates the first cheek
kiss ? - And so many more questions.
**NOTE: All of what I explain below is either from personal experience, research or advice given to me by my French friends here in the South of France.
FRENCH ETIQUETTE: Rules and best practices on “How To Faire La Bise.”
Luckily, I have amazing French friends who gladly answered my burning questions about the “RULES” for cheek kissing and greeting other people in France.
I was surprised to find that many of my friend’s answers regarding la bise varied, and not everyone agreed on la bise rules.
But that’s OK because there was enough overlap to put together some general best practices to faire la bise like a pro.
Here’s everything you need to know: the unsaid rules and general best practices for greeting a French person in France with La Bise.
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1) Step-by-step directions for la bise.
- Slowly lean forward, turning your cheek as if you’re offering it to the other person. The other person will do the same.
- Lightly touch your cheek to the other person’s cheek. It’s important your cheeks touch!
- Pucker your lips slightly.
- Make a light kissing sound only with your lips (not your voice; see note below on what not to do.)
- *Some people also put their right or left hand on the other person’s shoulder as they lean into a cheek
kiss . - *Some people remove eyeglasses or hats: Optional but polite and can avoid poking out an eye.
What not to do: NEVER do this:
- Never touch your lips to their cheek; it’s cheek to cheek.
- DO NOT make the MWUAH” sound with your voice that so many anglophone speakers make. The kissing sound is from your lips, not your voice. My husband, to this day, still makes that sound, and people snicker at him.
No, this is NOT how you do “la bise.”
2) Cheek Kissing: Which cheek- left or right?
There is debate as to which cheek you offer up first. Is it the right cheek or your left cheek
Don’t worry too much about this because French people are receptive to these nuances and movements and adjust quickly.
I did notice that more of my friends turned their heads to the left so that the first bise landed on the right cheek. I said most, not all, so just go with the flow. In Montpellier, where we now live, people seem to offer the left cheek first.
3) How many cheek kisses: 1, 2, 3, 4 or more?
- When we lived in Provence, my friends gave me two cheek kisses, one on each side.
- In Paris, most people also give two kisses, but I’ve heard some older people still give as many five-cheek kisses.
- In Montpellier, 63 km (39 mi) south of our old home in Provence, my friends and I exchange 3 cheek kisses.
- It can be confusing when someone from one region where two-cheek kisses are the norm travels to another region where three kisses are the norm. This happens to us a lot since we’ve lived in several different regions. Sometimes, you lean in for the third, and that person has already pulled away because they are used to only two kisses, but I digress.
Why the discrepancy in the number of cheek kisses?
The number of cheek kisses you exchange with someone depends on the region you find yourself in. To make matters even more confusing, there are discrepancies even by region.
Don’t worry if this sounds confusing because even the French get confused. There’s a website devoted to gathering user feedback about whether they give 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 kisses –www.combiendebises.free.fr/. The website’s name translates to “How many kisses.”
Some speculate that younger lean more towards two kisses while older generations are hanging on to giving four or even five kisses.
I have yet to meet someone who gives 4 or 5 kisses, but then again, I live in the South, where 2 and 3 kisses prevail.
4) When and with whom should you faire la bise?
The social situation, level of friendship and type of relationship you have with someone will usually determine whether you should faire la bise.
For example:
You would not cheek-kiss your bank rep or the headmistress at your child’s school. Instead, you will politely say “bonjour,” possibly followed by a handshake, depending on who you are saying hello to. No handshake to bus drivers or store clerks is necessary.
Cheek kissing between friends and acquaintances:
As your relationship grows into a friendship, at some point, you will shift from saying hello or a handshake and start giving your friends la bise. One day, you can be saying hello or shaking hands, and the next day, that same person could be leaning in to
Cheek kissing between family members:
Families almost always greet one another with la bise, but the bise you give to a family member might be a little more intense or more familiar. It’s similar to how you might hug your child, mom or best friend a little tighter. Many families also give cheek kisses first thing in the morning and then again at night before bed.
Cheek kissing between co-workers and colleagues:
If you have a job in France, you may eventually end up cheek-kissing your co-workers. This isn’t always the case. It depends on the working relationship you have with that person. For instance, you won’t give everyone at the office la bise—just those you regularly see that you might even consider friends.
However, you shouldn’t give your boss la bise, even if you regularly see that person, unless they lean in first to give you la bise. Then there is the issue of gender. It’s customary for women to greet men and women with a
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The social status of the other person determines who initiates the cheek kiss :
If the other person has a higher social status than you, wait for that person to initiate. I was introduced to the mayor of La Garde by a friend, and If he had leaned in to
Age matters when it comes to cheek kissing:
Young people in primary school generally don’t greet one another with a
Cheek kissing between men:
Yes, even men greet one another with la bise, but not nearly as often as it happens between two women or a woman and a man. Usually, men reserve la bise for very close friends and family.
It also depends on the region. Where we live, in the south, it’s far more common for men to cheek
5) Special circumstances where you may kiss a stranger.
As I mentioned before, you only faire la bise with friends or people you know well; however, there are exceptions where it’s considered “la politesse” to faire la bise even when you don’t know the other person.
Cheek kissing Friends of friends:
If two strangers are introduced to one another by a mutual friend, those two strangers can choose to greet that other person with la bise. It’s not obligatory. You can choose to shake hands, but don’t be surprised if the other person leans in for a cheek
Who to cheek kiss when you’re invited to a Friends house:
If a friend invites you to their house, you usually faire la bise on entry. If there are other people in the house, you typically faire la bise with everyone at the party, even if you’re meeting them for the first time. It’s also acceptable to shake hands, but usually, if someone invites you to their house, it’s acceptable to transition to “La Bise.”
Cheek kissing when invited to a small social gathering or social setting:
If someone invites you to a small house party with a dozen or so people, the group is small enough that you can go around giving La bise while introducing yourself by name. We do this regularly, even if people are seated around a diner table. You make your way around the table by saying “bonjour” and saying your name if you don’t know that person. They will do the same.
Cheek kissing in larger social settings:
Suppose you’re invited to a larger gathering, say 25 or more people, or where it’s impossible to greet everyone at once because they’re spread out throughout the house. In that case, it’s acceptable to faire la bise as you come in contact with each person at the gathering, but not necessary.
6) Other situations and nuances about la bise
We talked about greeting someone with a cheek
For example:
If you are at a person’s house, you faire la bise upon entering and to everyone in the house and then again when you leave to say goodbye.
If you run into a friend on the street, you would typically stop and faire la bise and continue on your merry way. If you run into them again later in the day, you do not give them another cheek
Cheek kissing at a birthday party:
I’ve been to a lot of children’s birthday parties in France. After opening the Gifts, the birthday boy or girl usually gives “la bise” to the other children. It’s a way of saying thank you for coming and bringing me a gift.
Cheek kissing to congratulate someone:
You can also faire la bise to congratulate someone for anything that seems “bise” worthy: a job promotion, a milestone, a birthday, etc.
Cheek kissing on New Year’s Eve, at the stroke of midnight.
At the stroke of midnight, everyone goes around wishing one another “Bonne Année” (Happy New Year), followed by la bise.
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7) How to avoid la bise:
The art of la bise may sound confusing, but it gets easier and will feel like second nature to you with a bit of practice. When I return home to see my family in Montreal, where la bise is not regularly practiced, it feels strange not to faire la bise.
If you really don’t want to “faire la bise” with someone, it’s simple. Offer your hand for a handshake before the other person has a chance to lean in for la bise. It sets a precedence and a signal to the other person. And it’s perfectly fine to do that.
If you’re interested in fun fact about French culture, you should read:
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