STOP!!! READ THIS FIRST:
UPDATE! I’ve had several people leave vile comments suggesting I’m telling people to change or that this article describes people with Aspergers or describes depressed people. Those are all serious issues.
If you’re clinically depressed or have Asperger’s this is not an article for you. Please seek professional help and stop reading this article right now. Below are the issues which I have dealt with and the solutions that have helped me. Some of the things I say may or may not resonate with you. If not that’s O.K. It’s a process.
I put a lot of thought into this article and it is not easy sharing personal things of this nature. I believe in evolving and re-inventing myself. It is what has always worked for me. You are free to take my advice or leave it. But don’t be an ass-hole and send me a nasty message just because you don’t like what I am saying- because I am not talking about you. I am talking about me.
At a minimum, I hope my story and some of the things I list in this article give you some ideas and help with your particular situation.
Ok, you may continue reading, or Not. The choice is yours.
What makes one person boring and another person NOT boring?
You’re not supposed to care what other people think but let’s face it…..Some of us (myself included) do care. You don’t want to bore the hell out of other people or have a life so uninteresting that even YOU find your own life boring.
The problem is, you have no idea how to not be a boring person or how to be less boring.
So what’s the answer?
Now before you start reading, let me first clarify that I AM NOT AN EXPERT on the subject matter of being charismatic and truth be told, I AM NOT THE MOST EXCITING PERSON IN THE WORLD nor will I ever be.
I do however want to be more vibrant in social situations. Less of a wallflower if you will. Not so much because I care what others think of me, which I actually do but because I admire charismatic and lively people. I strive to continually evolve and improve myself and this is one way in which I have chosen to do it.
Why Am I So Boring?- My story of feeling like a boring person
I have struggled with the insecure worry that other people find me boring and uninteresting since I was a child. Less so now but my childhood worries definitely marked me for life. I think worrying if I was DULL to others must have been what made me so damn shy. Shy to the point where It was debilitating. I would freeze or become silent because I was so afraid of what other people might think of me. I would sit silently in social situations not wanting to draw attention to me or make the wrong move. Later on in life, as a teenager, it just became normal for me to shrink into the background or act awkward in social settings.
I was the kid who ate lunch alone
I used to dread the bell to eat lunch because I had no friends to eat with. My only and best friends were two neighbourhood girls. I am not saying I had no friends because I did. But they didn’t actively seek me out like they did the other kids. I was always forgotten about if I wasn’t there. No one missed me, no one looked forward to seeing me. I was all too aware of just how uninteresting I was and it bothered me…
I looked on with envy at the other kids who in my eyes were like social honey attracting all the other kids with their sweet and fascinating personalities.
It wasn’t until I was in my late teens and then a young adult when I tried to change and take action with the goal of trying to feel more secure about myself. I didn’t have a psychologist and didn’t ask friends or have self-help books.
Trial and error: Things I have done to help me feel less boring.
I suppose all those years of shrivelling into the background watching others paid off because what I tried to do was de-engineer the personalities of those whom I admired and I tried to emulate them.
This method of emulating others we admire has its advantages and disadvantage but it will only take you so far. Feeling like a bore is ultimately a problem of insecurity, security to just be myself which I lacked. I let my insecurity, shyness and fear of what others might think of me stop me from getting out there and living my life.
Even today, as a grown woman married with children, I still feel insecure. The difference is, I have learned to and strive to continually improve myself and evolve which helps fight that annoying voice in my head that has plagued me most of my life.
Whatever I have done or am doing must be working because people who know me today have a hard time believing that I am somewhat of an insecure person or I feel extremely shy and awkward in social settings or that I worry what others think of me- like if I am boring or not.
Mind you, I am still not the life of the party but, my efforts in trying to be and do more have shaped me into who I am and it has given me the confidence to feel less boring.
I am happy about the life I have led and the life that I will lead going forward.
Some things which I have accomplished
- In social settings, I know how to make small talk. I know what I should and shouldn’t talk about because some things just bore other people.
- I feel a little accomplished: I had and have travel goals which I have achieved including travelling to over 25 countries, living in Asia as an adult as a single adult when I was 19 and more recently living in the south of France with my husband and children from 2011 to 2016 as of this writing.
- I have tried new things: new foods and learned new skills that my mind told me I could never do or that I would hate but I ended up loving them after I tried them.
- I am pretty good at my job and I enjoy it.
- yada yada yada, blah blah blah.
The point I am trying to make is if you suffer from feeling boring like I did, or you find your life is boring, it is going to take a lot of effort to change that. You have to really put yourself out there, try to do everything you can and you can’t let fear stop you. It might take years but you can do it. If you want to.
But enough about me. I won’t bore you anymore with my story. No pun intended. Here are the top 10 things I have discovered which have helped me feel and be less boring.
10 Signs You Are A Boring Person And How To Be A Less Boring Person?
Are you guilty of any of these?
1-You Talk Non-Stop About Things That Only Interest You.
Sign: In the early years, I noticed that some of the people I admired talked a lot so I tried it. Only instead of being interesting, I ended up having a one-sided conversation about me.
No one likes to be on a one-sided conversation and nothing screams BOOOORING more than talking non stop about subjects that other people couldn’t care less about. Like your mother’s collection of 300 gnomes or how much money you saved using coupons. Sure it can be interesting for about a minute or two but then you move on.
Solution: If you notice that you are doing all the talking and the other person has gone quiet try to engage the other person and ask them questions, listen to them and genuinely be interested in what they have to say.
Conversely, if you are trapped by this non-stop talker, unless you want to be rude and walk away, there is not much you can do except excuse yourself from the conversation. Another tactic might be to change the topic to something different. Good luck…
2- You Are A Total Downer
Sign: Let’s face it, no one wants to be a downer.
I’m not sure why but I tended to be overly serious as a child and it wasn’t unusual for me to see the glass half empty rather than half full.
Then I met someone who was like me and I could finally see myself more clearly through this other person. I was being a downer.
I once knew someone like this. I tried to make it work but I was exhausted by our relationship. I had to constantly lift her spirits. Whenever I met her, I was always sad, or sombre and rarely laughed.
Examples of depressing conversation killers
- “I wish I was smarter”
- “Life is so hard”
- “why does everyone hate me”?
- “I have no friends”.
- whaa whaa whaa, oh woes me!!
Solution: If you know a downer in your life, the best you can do is either be blunt with them and tell them how they are depressing you. If you are like me, you will try to be there for this friend for as long as humanly possible to support that person. In the end, if their negativity is affecting you than you might have to end the relationship or distance yourself from that person like I had to do.
If it’s you being the Debbie downer, consider changing your outlook on life and try to see the positive. It’s an active exercise that will take extreme effort but doing so will help lift your spirits. Trust me on this one.
What’s that old saying? If life gives you lemons then make lemonade?
3- You Are Really Uptight And Overly Serious
Sign: Fun people like to laugh, tell jokes and let loose once in a while.
My definition of an uptight person is someone who is super RIGID and worried about PROTOCOL or doing things a certain way. They can’t take a joke and are hard to get along with and tend to complain a lot. God forbid if they ever let loose or do something that is out of character.
*I’m not talking about children or people with Aspergers or clinically depressed people. And by the way, my son has Aspergers. I’m talking about adults.
Solution: Let loose have some fun. Laugh at yourself once in a while. You’ll know you’re having fun when you laugh and don’t care who sees. If you know someone who is uptight and a buzz kill than try to lead by example. Sometimes your upbeat and fun attitude can be contagious.
4-You Complain About Everything
Sign: This type of person sees fault in everything and is not afraid to let you know.
There is no joy or fun in being around someone like this because you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them.
Here are some great examples of what a complainer might say.
- “The music is too loud” (it’s almost at the lowest setting)
- “what’s that horrible smell? “ It’s butter, garlic and shallots in a white wine sauce.
- “Stop walking on the grass, you’re crushing it” (It’s a picnic area)
- “You eat too much”
- “you never eat” (the next day the same person said this to me)
Solution: I have no idea how to handle this type of venomous personality. In my experience, this person is out to make themselves look or feel good, by seeing the bad in others or putting others down. I usually try to be very careful around this person and I try reducing the amount of time I spend with them. If that is not possible then have a good outlet to recharge and reboot.
5-You Never Try New Things or Travel To New Places
Sign: Fun people tend to really get out there in life and do things. They have the added benefit of having more experiences outside of work which means they usually have more to talk about too.
But not everyone has the time or money or inclination to get out there and suck the marrow out of life.
I remember when I was very restricted in terms of time and money. I only had time to do the bare essentials like work, take care of my children, cook and clean. When I did have the time, I often did not have the money and could not afford to pay for a sitter. To say that it was hard for me to do and try new things is an understatement and my situation only compounded issues for me. Looking back, I should have tried harder or made more time to do things outside of my routine. It might have made a difference.
Solution: Make time, even if only once in a blue moon to do something out of the ordinary. Anything, big or small.
- Tackle something on your bucket list (even if it’s as small as reading a book)
- Go to the museum or a local art gallery.
- Check out a new ethnic restaurant
- Go to the gym, start knitting, teach yourself to code.
- Travel to new places.
6- You Never Ever Smile
Sign: When I think about people who are fun in my life, I picture them smiling, laughing and just being jovial.
When I think of someone boring, I picture scowling faces and furrowed eyebrows.
Which one are you? All Smiles or all frowny?
Solution: Just smile. I learned a long time ago that the simple act of smiling can lift someone’s spirits.
Smiling is also contagious. I have smiled at scowly faced people on the street and to my surprise, they suddenly smile back.
I once had someone stop to “thank me” for smiling at them. Try it, it really works.
7- You Are Super Predictable and Never Spontaneous
I love seeing life through my children’s eyes because like most kids, they are naturally curious and seek out new experiences. Well, it’s also fun to be around adults with these qualities. Not only does it make you less predictable, you can also become more spontaneous and less likely to do the same thing day in and day out.
Contrast that to someone who is ALWAYS predictable and nothing new ever happens to them. No one will ask “Gee, I wonder what so and so person is up to”. They won’t have to because they will know that you always do the same thing every day. Now that I think about it, isn’t that what a rut looks and feels like? Who wants to be in a rut?
Examples of some ways you can be predictable are…..
- Everything you do has to be planned to the “T”
- You always take the practical safe route in life.
- You say NO more than you say YES
Solution: If you are this type of boring and predictable person, do more things you would not normally do. Start right now. Go and find something new to do and just go do it. Say “YES” more. Stop planning everything. Now go.
8- You Work All The Time
Sign: When you make work your life’s purpose you’re almost guaranteed to become a boring person. I used to be so hung up about climbing the corporate ladder it consumed me. Who wants to hang out with someone who enjoys working more than they like laughing and having fun. I’m all for working hard but if that is all you do, your family and friends might disown you.
Solution: Spend more time outside of work. I’m not talking about vegging out in front of the T.V. like some tired overworked couch potato. I’m talking about living your life to the fullest and doing all those things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet. Don’t let work define who you are. Unless of course, you’re lucky enough to have a job that is also your passion. I imagine artists and athletes might be in this category.
9-You have No Hobbies
when you are passionate about a subject or a hobby it becomes part of who you are. It can give you purpose and make you feel more fulfilled about your life. (I say can, because this is how I feel. You might feel differently.) Certain hobbies also have the added benefit of putting you in contact with other people who share the same passion as you- sailing, golfing, knitting club, mine-craft group, cooking and even board games.
Solution: Get a hobby then get out there and meet other people who enjoy that same hobby. There are lots of clubs for various hobbies you can join. Just look online or in your local paper.
10-You are A Hermit
A hermit’s life is not only very sad but it’s also uninteresting, monotonous and plain. I am told some people like being a hermit. That is great for them but I don’t. Although I sometimes act like a hermit, I always feel best after I put myself out there and come out of my shell.
It feels awkward at first but afterwards, I always feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
One baby step at a time. Start small and do something new every day.
Before you know it, people will call you “THE FUN ONE”