The American Dream:I scream, you scream, we all scream
Keep an open mind when you read this. I know this may piss a few people off.
You’ve heard of “THE AMERICAN DREAM” right?
OF COURSE YOU HAVE: But what is the American dream?
It’s a belief that in America, “You have the freedom to reach your goals, and if you work hard enough you can rise to fame and prosperity.” The classic rags to riches credo.
Immigrants have been flocking to America in hopes of achieving this dream for a long time.
Well I’m sorry, the American Dream makes me want to scream bloody murder. For the longest time, I was living the American dream. But then something happened. I woke up and realized it was not a dream…
My American Nightmare
A few years ago, I was your typical suburban wife living your typical suburban life. After years of climbing the corporate ladder, I achieved what I thought was the “American Dream”. My husband and I had great jobs making not one but two, six figure incomes at a software company. We lived in a great area in Silicon Valley California. We took our yearly ski vacations, Hawaiian vacations, played golf and had lots of stuff. Life was good! Or so we convinced ourselves.
Underneath it all I didn’t want to admit it, but I was burnt out from life. Burnt out from chasing after that carrot.
I woke up and realized my dream was actually a nightmare. An American Nightmare.
The Carrot On A Stick!
The American dream has been like an illusive carrot hanging in front of me that I keep chasing. Every time I think I catch it, it is yanked out of my hands and I have to start chasing it again.
I know I’m not alone. I’ve seen other people stressed out with barely any down time. The weekends were no better, they are spent doing chores, catching up on paperwork, shuttling the kids to their various activities.
Most people won’t, no they DON’T admit that they are burnt out by this continual cycle of work with very little personal freedom and time.
We are conditioned to think that we need to endure this for the greater prize that we will see later. WHEN WE RETIRE? No thank you.
You know it’s true. Why else are people so dissatisfied with their lives? Why else do so many people feel like they are in a rut? It’s because they are on this treadmill of life chasing a carrot. Who wouldn’t get fed up? But if you would have asked me then, I don’t think I would have ever admitted to wanting to live differently. I worked so hard to have and live the way we lived. I would have defended my values to the end.
The American Dream: What has it become?
Today, “The American Dream” has taken on a new meaning. It has become a very individual idea and depending on who you talk to, it can mean different things.
THE DREAM
In general, the idea of the American dream has become the pursuit of material prosperity. People work more hours to get bigger and fancier homes, nicer cars, the latest gadgets. - All in the name of “keeping up with the Joneses”.
The working poor have to work two sometimes three jobs just to ensure their family survival. And middle class families are kept busy working long hours, living beyond their means and racking up their credit card bill just to keep up appearances. And for what?
THE COST
Because you are chasing this illusive dream, the chase is endless. You are left with a massive loss. You have more things but you are left with a deficit. You have….
There is another way to live
Despite popular belief, there are other ways to live. Some, myself included are looking toward a new American Dream with less focus on financial gain and more emphasis on living a simpler more fulfilling life.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have all the things my heart desires. And there are certain creature comforts I will always need like my metal coffee press and some really good lip balm. But I refuse to live the way I used to because it just wasn’t sustainable.
My dream has nothing to do with being American. It has everything to do with living my life to the fullest. Experiencing life. Creating lasting memories. Pursuing my passions. Creating a life that allows me to have time to enjoy the fruits of my labor now and not after I retire.
It’s as individual as I am.
This picture of my daughter Catherine sipping on a strawberry Milkshake in a diner on a road trip through Pennsylvania is much more memorable to me than any material things. I would rather have a hundred more memories like this one vs. all the material things I can spend my money on.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have left Silicon Valley a lot sooner and sought to live in an area where the cost of living was more affordable. Where 50% of my salary didn’t just go to pay for my rent and another 20% went to child care. But that’s water under the bridge, and we’re not concerned with appearances any more.
So what is your dream? Do you agree with me? Have you felt like you’ve been chasing a carrot? Leave your comments below.
So true! Stay away from the carrot and have a beer instead on an island of your choice!
My only comment to this perfect comment is
“AMEN SISTER”. And i’m agnostic so that’s saying something.
Annie Andre recently posted..How To Move To France Video Series #1: Introduction
I thank you humbly for shraing your wisdom JJWY
It’s so true that money and success isn’t everything. I see my husband, John Falchetto, has already commented … we left the UAE to France in search of the other things life has to offer and we found it! Clean air, clean food, history, culture etc … yes, we have less but we have time to enjoy things like a beautiful sunny day which is priceless!
Looking forward to reading more from you!
MummyinProvence recently posted..BiP’s return flight from hell- A rant
Ameena, It’s a funny thing. You either get it or you don’t. And you definitely get it. It’s so nice to hear other people voice their content with living life with less but still being happy.
Hi Annie,
I came here via your comment Tara Gentile’s site today.
I have been struggling with my relationship with money in a country going broke.
This reminds me that I am part of creating a new economy. I sit scary and uncertain?
YES
Is being self sustaining and having the freedom to enjoy life worth it?
ABSOLUTELY!
Hi Gwyn, thank you for visiting. I’m glad you stopped by.
The uncertainty is a little scary. i often ask myself what is going to happen, what is the worst that can happen and then i imagine it and push forward anyway. I’ve already come close to rock bottom and i find less and less things scare me which has kind of been liberating.
I also think the question you ask is a very individual one no? I’m certainly not opposed to making lots of money. But, i don’t want to sacrifice my passions, my life, my family and most of my time just for the sake of earning it.
There is a balance though and some people have no choice to work long hours with little upward mobility. This is another issue though..
Hope to see you back again..
I’m from London, but us Brits have the equivalent dream, but for some reason, I never bought into it. Even as a school girl, the people I saw rushing through the city in the Brooks brothers suits, looking all harassed,repelled me.
I guess I always new I was never gonna be the girl in the corner office who won friend and influenced people, so I never tried. The kicker is, I like the nicer, finer(more expensive things in life). I think travel is an investment in me, and invest in it regularly, but even these somewhat bohemians ideals come at a price. So it is often a case of trying to find some sustainable balance, where you can live your live, but be able to pay for it also. I’m still working on that one, lol
Stacey,
Hello from across the pond.
I love travelling, i love champagne and caviar too.
Like you, travelling is one of those things that fulfills my life.
But alas, as you said, the catch 22 is that it does cost money. Finding that right balance is the tricky part isn’t it? But when it happens you just know it and it feels so good. And it feels worth it.
We as a family discovered that we like to travel once a year and go someplace for a whole month. Usually France sometimes Hawaii. That investment is what we can afford to do and it’s worth it.
My strongest and fondest memories are the ones where i’ve invested in me and my family. I hate that there are whole years that i cannot remember because those were the years that i was busy working like a DOG….
Keep working on your on your balancing act. I’m sure it won’t be long before you’re jet setting wherever and whenever you want.
I think that working hard and moving up the ladder, and chasing the carrot on a stick, is what most people associate the American Dream with.
But I have a different view.
The American Dream is what you define it to be for yourself. Because this is truly one of the only countries in the world where you can pursue your own goals and you reap the benefits of the work you put in.
My parents brought me here from Russia to escape a Soviet regime where people didn’t really work very hard, because it would lead you nowhere.
My uncle had a very successful business there, but lost everything when the “tax police” came in and took everything. Literally, armed men came into his office and took all his cash out of his safe.
That is not something I would fear happening here.
So the American Dream to me, is being able to live a life that you can create for yourself. Not one that is dictated to you by an unjust government.
If that is taking the more traveled road of working a 9 to 5 job and retiring in your 60s so be it. If it is taking a path less traveled and creating something of your own, you can do that too.
Eugene recently posted..43 Internet Stars Describe Their Average Day
Hello Eugene,
Thanks for stopping by and nice to meet you.
I agree with you that so many people view the “The American Dream” as tht carrot.
Working harder just for money and letting your life slip away without experiencing it while it happens. I just don’t think it’s worth it.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not opposed to working hard. I just think, there should be a balance. Life is so much better when you are experiencing it and reaching your maximum potential in all areas of your life, not just working for the sake of working and having more stuff..
As far as what happened to your uncles business in Russia, that’s another story. And of course i’m not afraid or worried about that happening in the U.S. or Canada.
Thanks for stopping by.
Great article. I am about at my breaking point with my job. It’s the same thing everyday in a different excel format. Life becomes to predictable and less fun. I am excited to start my student teaching in September just to mix things up and also to know that once that over it’s traveling the world for a year. That’s the only I am still in this job… to save $$. I commend you for leaving your “American dream” life and doing something different and risky. I am sure it was hard to make that choice but it sounds like it was the right one. Cute little girl too.
Meg recently posted..I will not celebrate- so shoot me!
Meg, excel. my nick name at work used to be pivot. Short for pivot table because i was a pretty good at what i did reporting wise. and i loved exccel. NERD….
I think Blogging is a good place for you because it seems like you have who have multiple interests.
it lets you express your many interests under one umbrella. business with your love for yoga and travelling. You will be able to sustain that much longer and be much happier than if you just focus on one of your interests like you do in a normal job. YUCK..
p.s. Where is the baby and me beginners yoga podcast. I’m still waiting
It’s called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin
I’m glad I learned this early (at 26!). I really don’t understand the desire to own a home, and three cars, and have 2.5 kids, and be in massive debt to own things you don’t like to impress people you don’t care about. It’s insanity to me.
Where did we go so right in rejecting this model? We need to keep yelling the truths to this and set others free.
Thanks for this amazing post. Gosh I am feeling good right now!
David, I hope i havn’t made you jaded.
I still think having a house is and can be a good thing. Just not at the expense of quality of life.
I’ve had friends who bought homes in california (shacks that cost over 600K ) and had to eat Mac and cheese every night. while others pay their 6K mortgage no problem.
Still others are renting and can barely make it. And they have good jobs.
I’m not sure what the right balance is, but i think your smart to have your eyes wide open. You won’t be blinded like i was with this one singular dream to have abundance at all cost.
Annie Andre recently posted..The American Dream-I scream- you scream- we all scream
John,
It’s so so so true. Health care is a source of madness these days for me and many people.
If you have it (insurance) all is good, but for those that don’t, or who can’t afford it than what?
The minute my husband and I became unemployed and then self employed, we realized just how bad and unaffordable having descent health care is.
As of right now, we pay for private health care and it is not cheap. I now know why many Americans have no health care, especially the working class poor, young people and old working part time who aren’t covered under their employers.
A few months ago , my husband was helping my cousin cut some wood and nearly chopped off his finger.
We were and are in Canada. We drove to the hospital and presented our private insurance from the u.s. Well, the deductible on our insurance was higher than the amount of the procedure. So we eded up paying for it ourselves.
It was the equivalent to $500 u.s.for a few stitches and he was seen in a matter of less than 20 minutes..
Flashback 2 years earlier
My husband was gardening in our backyard in California and cuts his thumb with a serrated Japanese gardening knife ( he has really bad luck with his fingers and knives).
We took him to a hospital in the heart of silicon valley and get this,
It took over 3 hours to bee seen. The cost was over $1,300 U.S. dollars for 3 or 4 stitches.
Our insurance covered most of it, but it made me realize how important health insurance is especially affordable insurance.
What would have happened had we not had our private insurance. What if we couldn’t afford it?
Don’t get me started on the school system, especially California.
It’s all so very frustrating and We’ve contemplated staying in Canada. (my dad is french Canadian). I envy my cousins who complain about the high cost of taxes but all carry a health care card and have the security to know that if they are unemployed or self employed that they can be and will be taken care of no matter what. Something, I do not as an American citizen.
For the same reasons, we’re looking at France too. Preferably the south near the water.
We are even looking at going to Thailand for an extended trip
It’s amazing the things we’re doing these day’s all in the name of seeking a better life.
I have a feeling we’re not alone… in our endeavors.
Annie, this is a great reminder of the things we give up in the pursuit to accumulate more stuff.
Ironically one of the reason I left the UAE (a supposed tax free heaven) to come to France is because of healthcare and to pay taxes.
Yep you heard me right, it might sound insane but when you have kids nothing competes with affordable healthcare.
I used to hate taxes but when I had to pay out 100K a year in ‘fees’ just to have a business in the UAE and get nothing in return except the right to shut up and work, it suddenly made me realize that paying taxes for healthcare and school makes sense.
Was I making more cash in the UAE? For sure, without a doubt, but my health was paying a heavy price for it.
I hear you Annie, we need to look at our life and decide what matters.